This time at the Starbucks drive-thru …

“Drive around and I shall have it ready for you when you arrive!” she says. Shall? Okay, honey, you have my attention. This is about you, after all. You getting my attention.

Then at the window, “Your glasses are so cool! I’d wear a pair of glasses like that. Except that I couldn’t. Because they’re yours!”

“I’ll see if I can get you a coupon,” I say. I just want my coffee. I want her to shut up. She laughs at my blow-off. She’s on a natural high.

“Have a fantastic Wednesday!” she says, as I’m driving away.

“Go fuck yourself!” I want to say.

What is Starbucks doing to its employees that makes them act this way? When did “Here you go, sir. Thank you.” go out of fashion? Why the Bouncing Barrista Buddy routine?

Note to Corporate: Get out of the entertainment business. Pleeeeeeeez. Just be respectful and efficient. That’s all I want. Respectfulness and efficiency. And coffee.