Phenomenal

At one end of the Technorati feedback spectrum are Stanton Friedman (who stopped by an article to advertise his new book) and  NARCAP scientist Ted Roe (who stopped by an article to offer a semantic distinction between UFO’s and UAP’s). At the other end of the spectrum is the effervescent, if linguistically challenged, Canadian who wrote, “if people saw what thay may have saw i donot think their makeing storys or lies up about UFO OR Sauce Squash or thee LOCK NESS MONSTER.”

(If you figured out that Sauce Squash = Sasquatch, go to the head of thee CLASS.)

Then there’s the email that arrived yesterday from a woman identifying herself as “Bulgarian journalist” Anna Kaltseva. She wanted me to know about a “unique experiment” led in 2009 by “the phenomenon Mariana Vezneva.”

The phenomenon? There are people in the world who refer to themselves as “the phenomeonon?”

An attachment to Kaltseva’s email chronicles what she calls a “mental-pictogram dialogue experiment” in which a team of 14 Bulgarian scientists posed questions to extraterrestrials and received their answers in the form of crop circles. Vezneva’s role as leader of the experiment was to transmit the scientists’ questions to the extraterrestrials telepathically and then to interpret the crop circle replies that followed.

Google Mariana Vezneva and you’ll find a site where the experiment, as well as her “phenomenon” credentials are laid out in fine fashion. According to Vezneva’s site, she is “a phenomenon (and) holder of the phenomenon’s award (which is) “the statuette Golden Phenomenon.”

And who hasn’t heard of the Golden Phenomenon award? I mean, really?

Google Anna Kaltseva and you’ll find a Facebook page, a LinkedIn page and a Twitter page. The LinkedIn page says that she’s an editor living in Bulgaria. End of transmission. The Twitter page says this: “I am Bulgarian woman and I am happy join with you!” The most recent tweet there: “I am earning and enjoing with (followed by a link to a read-articles-in-your-spare-time-for-money site called Readbud).” (And yes, the Bulgarian journalist’s oft-repeated tweet really is spelled “enjoing.”)

I have no more questions, your honor.

Regarding women’s intestines …

This just in, ladies … (and it depresses me that I should have to remind you) … Men do not want to know when you’re going to the powder room to take a dump. This means, among other things, that you don’t want to be seen entering the ladies’ room with a newspaper or magazine tucked under your arm. You might just as well wear a sign that says, “Defecation in T-minus 5, 4, 3 …”

Good Lord.

As much time as you spend reenforcing the illusion that your hair and skin are perfect and that you never age, how ever could you overlook the most important illusion of all … that you have no digestive system?