At Starbucks

Middle-aged businessman to svelte younger woman: … and my ex spent over $200,000 renovating the bathroom!

They’re seated side-by-side. She’s 20-something. Wedding ring. She says: That sounds like a nightmare, Charlie! She’s also flirting with the man seated across from her. His head is shaved.

She offers to throw away empty cups. They accept. Cups are collected and removed, but she lingers at the trash can, looking at the posters on the wall. Does she want the meeeting to be over? Do the men notice? Or care?

Man with soul patch wearing too tight green dress shirt to man with goatee wearing too tight blue dress shirt: … which is why we believe that payroll is a tool for service and protection. When I have my business hat on, I plateau at the low- to mid-six figures … Green shirt is animated. He’s selling. Blue shirt is bored. He’s not buying. The sun is in their eyes.

One teenage girl to another: … I was just like, oh my god, I was like, I knew what questions to ask, but, I mean it’s really, really hard …What the hell is she talking about? Her friend’s butt crack is staring at me. Those lowriders look so uncomfortable.

Ever-perky barista to everyone: It’s a wonderful day at Starbucks! (Swear to god, she just said that. I want an ounce of her weed.)

A man in his late 20’s is out of earshot, but not talking. Gray pullover sweater and matching gray backpack. Clean-cut. Gray slacks. Black dress shoes. My earbud tells me that Mitt Romney spent his two years as a Mormon missionary in Paris. Can that be true? Maybe Matching Gray Man is a Mormon. Maybe he’s been to Paris. Was he a different color there?

Vada a bordo, cazzo! translates literally as “Go on board, dick!”, but is being popularized in English as “Go on board, damn it!” because “cazzo,” in this context at least, is an emphatic, not a perjorative. Alas.

Coast Guard Captain Gregorio De Falco is being hailed as a hero it Italy for ordering Costa Concordia Captain Francesco Schettino to return to the cruise ship he ran aground off Italy’s Tuscan coast January 14 and then abandoned even as frantic passengers scrambled for their lives. Sounds like a dick to me.

SOPA and PIPA. Not Indian side dishes, but bills that would legalize obliteration of websites suspected of … oh, does it really matter? Wikipedia took its English language site down today in protest. Google blacked out its logo. And there were others. But again, does it matter? Isn’t Congress ultimately going to do what the entertainment industry tells it to do?