Know the signs

(November 20 update: This will appear as a video in the December 2013 issue of Fete Greenville.)

You know you’re a cat person when …

… your long-haired cat steps out of the litter box with a poo ball dangling from her ass fur and you think that’s cute.

… instead of cruising the internet for lesbian cheerleaders, you cruise it for lolcat videos.

… you feel guilty for watching  lolcat videos when your cat is in the room.

… you speak lolcat. To people.

… your long-haired cat sticks her poo ball-dangling ass fur in your face and you dutifully remove the poo ball for her because you think that she thinks that you’re her mother. And you think that’s cute.

… the collapsible wooden ruler that your grandfather left you is now used exclusively as a lost pom-pom retrieval tool.

… you  associate the word “pom-pom” with cats and not lesbian cheerleaders.

… your travel plans revolve around the availability of pet-friendly motels.

… your split fold-down rear seat is now the door to the ladies’ room because you travel with a litter box in the trunk.

… you don’t mind that everything you own, including the interior of your car, is permanently, irreversibly infused with cat hair.

… you’ve framed a photo of your cat and hung it on the wall. Where a human being’s photo used to be.

… people give you cat-themed gifts and you actually like them.

… you no longer have any ceramic coasters because your cat has very deliberately pushed all of them onto the hard floor from high places, breaking every single one. And you think that’s cute.