Cat rules

Live with a cat, learn the rules. Here are ten of them. Rules, I mean, not cats. And not the only ten, either. Not even the first ten. These are the ten that my instructor, pictured at right, told me would be on my final exam.

  1. When it is time to play fishing pole, you will be notified. Mostly, it is time to play fishing pole.
  2. You cannot be as fast as cats, because you are not cats. (See quantum nonlocality.)
  3. Your genitals will be stepped on.
  4. When it is time to get out of bed, you will be notified. Mostly, it is time to get out of bed.
  5. The bitings will be done mainly during the pettings of the belly. Or not.
  6. You will provide a basket.
  7. When the walkings take place, a harness will be permitted. Excessive pullings of the harness will not be permitted, however, and will be punished by escapement. (See #2) Later, your genitals will be stepped on.
  8. That thing you are doing there is interesting and it needs a cat butt in your face.
  9. Whatever is on the counter probably needs to be on the floor if it is too small and lacks traction. It will be put there.
  10. Nappings may be interrupted if it is time to play fishing pole, or your face needs a cat butt in it.